Don’t self-sabotage your right to be happy. Feeling unworthy of happiness, worrying about how others will perceive you if you’re happy, and worrying about the potential awfulness when happiness ends are all negative thinking patterns that can undermine the pursuit of joy in your life.
Do what you love. Life is more than your job. While your job needs to be something that ensures your livelihood, you also need to fulfill your life’s vision. Thich Nhat Hanh has this guidance: “Do not live with a vocation that is harmful to humans and nature. Do not invest in companies that deprive others of their chance to life. Select a vocation which helps realize your ideal of compassion.” Decide for yourself how far to take the meaning of his guidance and seek work that helps sustain a peaceful life.