I’ve served several back to back sentences for not being good enough . And now that I’ve been released from prison, rehab is a two steps forward one step backward kinda thing. I have breakthroughs where I realize that I have inherent goodness just like everyone else. And then the old tape that plays in my mind tells me I’m not good enough, and I struggle with negative thoughts. It’s a nasty mental habit that takes repeated mindfulness; bringing my mental self back home.
I’ve recently been re-examining my path; what seems to work to move me forward, and what may be a distraction. It started when I thought more directly about the chakra healing stuff and the direction that “D” seemed to want me to go. I figure all her yoga stuff is well and good, but it didn’t resonate in me the way I thought it should if I were moving along the path. In the same way, I’ve come to the conclusion that Tibetan Buddhism has too many side elements attached to it also, for me anyway. Seeking enlightenment through a delineated path doesn’t feel like the right vibration either.
So I’ve decided to try less and rather be more open to what comes along naturally when I pay attention to what’s occurring around me and the thoughts that swim through my mind. Simplicity of thought and action and observing are what has served me well in the past; allowing truth and reality to reveal themselves.
I guess I’m more of a Thoreau kind of guy, and I think I’ll do best in sticking with that approach. He certainly wasn’t known for his striving; better known for his keen observations, and insights that seemed to reveal themselves when he gave himself the time and space to be open to what nature and the universe wanted to say.
The road less traveled by may hopefully make some difference.
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.~Robert Frost