“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb
It’s been a year since I stumbled upon Tiny Buddha. At the time I was in a difficult place emotionally, mentally, and physically.I felt as if life were pointless and that there was nothing for me in the world: no room, no hope, no opportunity, no relief from the chronic tiredness and pain, and no love. I’d given up.I spent my days staring at the walls and at my computer, trying to find something to make me feel better—to feel anything at all—but nothing showed up.That was my ongoing experience after all: nothing and nobody showed up to save me.
After seeing a quote on Twitter, I stumbled upon some of the posts about happiness. They showed me that I was allowed to have fun and joy.They taught me that I didn’t have to relive a childhood that was painful and traumatic. Instead, I could live the life I’d always dreamed of since I was that lost, hurt and lonely child—I could live it now as an adult. The more I read, the more I started to let go of my victim mentality.
I’d suffered a lot of mental and emotional abuse when I was young, much of it secret and still not revealed even to my family. But as I lost myself in other people’s wisdom, I opened myself up to that past and came to terms with it.
It’s taken a long time to do that and it’s something I still do. Every day, I let go of something and move on from it.It wasn’t long before I saw that I could write for Tiny Buddha. It took me days to hit send on that email because it felt like a major risk. But I felt determined to put myself out there, hoping that someone would recognize the good I felt certain was in me somewhere.This one little step was the beginning of change.In the past year, I’ve completey transformed my attitude. I’ve worked hard to become a better person—to open myself up to joy, compassion, and forgiveness and to rebuild my confidence so that I can go after the things I want.Things in my life are still uncertain and a bit scary at times.
But the difference between me now and me then is that a year ago, I wasn’t moving forward. I was stuck in one place, looking back at the mess that was my life.I think we’ve all been there. You get so preoccupied with the things that have happened that you forget the things that are going on now.